Day-38, Lockdown

So today I was thinking about creativity, where exactly does it come from?

Does it come from a person’s heart, his mind, or brain?

I have no idea, all I know is that it comes from within. Some people call it the flame to ignite the torch which will be used to show what the future holds for us. I don’t like to see it as a way to see my future, instead I like to call it something very different. Creativity is the flame that helps burn the midnight oil.

It won’t makes sense unless you read it very carefully, try to join the words. This time you have to try and understand all by yourself, Now if you have read all my previous blogs you should be able to get this one. 🙂

Creativity is in everyone, deep beneath. And, that is why it comes from within. Some people have the strength to be creative and in some others its just buried deep inside. When a person feels creative, a kind of energy surges through them, encouraging them to finish the work they started. To make it look better, giving them new ideas, thoughts, words.

I don’t see creativity as a strength, though. I see it as an asset, not for money-making purposes, but for the introduction of new ideas in the world, new structures, foundations. For the greater good. When someone introduces a new idea, it can be called a win – win situation. Because nobody has anything to lose until the idea is a safe and sensible, even if it is rejected it certainly can be made better.

Dr. Abdul Kalam once said that dreams are not the ones you see when you are sleeping, but are the ones that keep you awake. This makes so much sense than when I had heard it when I was younger. I have also learnt something new as I have grown up. It is that, creativity gives room to learn and mature.

When an artist makes a painting, and It doesn’t meet his expectations. He won’t be able to sleep at night, he will think about the brushstrokes, that painting is missing. I call this painting, ‘a great piece of art in work’.

This is how each great idea grows, at first it is something meagre but with an accurate amount of tweaks anything is possible.

Day-37, Lockdown

Today I want to talk about zoom calls. I hate zoom calls. I don’t like studying with the help of zoom calls, I don’t like this very idea at all.

Zoom calls are so different than normal interactions,sometimes the internet connection is slow, and other times  the teacher’s voice is choppy. The classes we have using zoom calls, are so different than the normal classes. You can hear and see the other students properly, you can hear and see the teacher properly.

But, during zoom calls either her voice lags a lot, or her video suddenly gets paused, or we suddenly get disconnected from the meeting. 

Now, if one of my teachers read this she might tell me to cooperate in these difficult times, well we are! We are attending all the classes, when we get disconnected we try to join the meeting again, but sometimes the app doesn’t budge. We do the homework, when the teachers voice lags we try to put together the few words we can understand and make sense out of it. Today, a teacher’s video kept pausing and her voice kept lagging, and she said that her network bandwidth was low, “please bear with me, children.’’ She told us. I sighed, we are bearing with you.

Now these zoom calls are somewhat better than the normal classes we have for the teachers, at least. Because during normal class, a couple of children never stop chatting and disturb the class, but during zoom calls the teachers can mute all of us with the press of a button! The teachers are teaching us at the comfort of their home.

But, what about us? Well, we are letting the teachers enjoy their well earned home-teaching, children-muting leisure. But, when the school starts I know that most of my friends will be very excited to come back , sit in our desks, and of course sit for the classes. But in all the excitement, the teachers will get the short end of the stick here, during the classes the children won’t be able to sit still. They will all be meeting each other after a long time, and how much ever the teachers will try, the children will not budge.

The teachers are doing a lot of work, I know they are making presentations, worksheets and also juggling household chores. But honestly, so are the children. We are finishing the projects, doing the homework and we too are doing chores, you know.

This journey is a long one, and yes we all have to cooperate. Zoom calls are not pleasant, it is full of cons. But, at times like this we must try to look for the brighter side in ever corner.

Day-36, Lockdown

‘The deepest kind of hurt is the one caused, when people don’t know that they’re hurting you.’

Yes, a hurt like this exists too. When somebody’s friends or family unknowingly hurt that person it doesn’t feel so good. It’s like a scar, that you only discover a little later, after everything is done. But, at times you notice it immediately, it comes suddenly and punches you like a football in your stomach. This makes you feel queasy with pain, where you feel like throwing up but you don’t.

It’s exactly the same when somebody hurts you with their words, you want to vomit all the words in your brain, it comes till your mouth. But, you gulp it back in and stay quiet.

That feeling can be accurately called queasiness, you feel like that because of guilt and mostly anger, and sadness. Why guilt? Because you feel guilty for not giving them a piece of your mind, you feel guilty for brushing away the topic gently instead of choosing to oppose what they said.

People are mean, though they don’t know it. Sometimes, they may say something that deeply hurts you and then they laugh it off. And, very few of such people have the true sense to apologise for their words, because most of them absolutely have no idea of their mistakes! These mistakes, cost you your emotions which you were carefully storing away,  for later. These emotions are like balloons, lots of balloons you were hiding. Because you knew, that if somebody burst all of them together, the consequences would be nasty.

Words are like weapons, you should use them only when you have to. Jokes are heavy, not because they are deep (which they are not, at all) but because they might hurt, so many insensitive words put together make a stupid joke laughed at by stupid people. When someone hurts you and then they say, “I was just joking .” 

Don’t accept it, like I did. If you feel like turning away from there and fleeing in rage, or if you want to face that person and protest, do that. Never laugh at that joke, to show that you are on board with them, because deep down you know that you are not.

Words are capable of wounding a person, piercing their self interest, bursting their emotions, lowering down their self confidence. Always be careful around words…

Day-35, Lockdown

Cage

I run from here to there.
Not because I am impatient,
But because I’m tired.
I feel like an anchored boat,
Trying to leave the pier.
I feel like the little star in the sky,
Trying my best to shine bright.
To keep myself busy,
I run in circles.
When I get tired,
They call me lazy.
I convince myself that its true,
I do feel useless and blue.
Can somebody tell me what to do?
Should I keep running in circles,
Like a bird in a cage.
Occasionally showing my rage,
Squeaking and scratching,
At that dreadful cage.
I can see each day,
Passing away.
Before my eyes, 
I can see it from the bars.
The setting sun,
The few passing cars. 
I want to reach out,
And feel all of this,
All of the things I’ve missed.
No more rough waters I said,
Only happy thoughts.
This task is only for the brave,
And, I’m sorry but I’m not.

Day-34, Lockdown

I have nothing to write for today, my brain is blank. This is what most people call writers block, it acts as a barricade for your imagination and thoughts run free, your mind is locked among four walls like us during these lockdown. And, I know what this lockdown has done to me, so I pity my mind.

Having writers block is like a weird creepy sensation that crawls over you and comes at you when you least expect it, I can accurately call this feeling the monster under my bed. This is seriously the time when I least expected writers block, because at a time like this there is s much to wrote!

But, my brain does that sometimes. When I need it to function the most, it suddenly stops working. Here is a sad but true example, when I have an English test or a chemistry test, any other test but a math test. My brain works fast, I can happily understand how the flower works, how atoms collide or how Julius Caesar died. But, when I look at a math question, all the knowledge in my brain goes poof! All gone, blank. Helplessly, five minutes before the bell is ringing, I try to make sense of the questions given and I get some right, while the others are terribly wrong. When the results come in, I wonder how the other children manage to top the class, while some other times, my paper is finished, long time before the bell rings, and I can’t be sure if I finished early, because it was easy or because half of my answers are just plain wrong.

My wonderful brain is hopeless at times, but the other times it comes handy. The ability of the brain to vanish all existing information cannot be called forgetting, we can call it…crashing. Like that of a computer or my brain during a math test. 🙂

I was supposed to write nothing today, but look, this is just proof that I can go on rambling for hours and even write it down! I cans start from a simple topic like ‘writers block’ and divert to a hilarious subject like my brain and its oddities… then again, isn’t every one different?

Day-33, Lockdown

Today’s was like the casual day I experience nothing new or different whatsoever. But, while I was writing this I realised that everyday has some changes of its own, everyday is special in its own way. Very minimal things like the lunch we ate, it is different everyday.

The people we meet, new conversations every day. Imagine if we do the same thing everyday, we talk in the same way, eat the same food, and meet the same people. Life would be such a bore. Right now, I can not exactly say that everyday is the same, and that is what I have been saying since the past (lots of) days. And, I thought about it today, and I realised that what I do is in my hands. True, half of the time I do feel like my hands are bound by some thick chains, but that’s just my imagination.

If I can imagine myself bound by chains, then I can also break free from them.

And, I had never looked at anything with this point of view until today, like I said yesterday, I am rethinking this entire lockdown. Surprisingly, it is soothing and I am sailing smoothly now, I have promised myself no more rough waters anymore.

My parents are spending more time in our balcony now. We have decorated it beautifully with the fairy lights and the lanterns, the aura is very peaceful. And, the cold breeze that blows in the evening is even more calming. 

This is an opportunity for everyone to look at everything with a whole new perception, this makes the journey a little easy. When I was little, and when me and my family would go on a road trip, I would always feel sick. So, my mother would tell me to sleep for a while so that when I wake up, we would have already reached there. Right now if you ‘sleep’ ( if you literally want to sleep all the days away, go for it! :)) this journey will end a lot faster.

Today was an eye opener, but that is all folks…

Day-32, Lockdown

‘Thank god it’s Friday! Yeah right…’

Today is a Friday, yet does it feel like a Friday? No.

Fridays were always supposed to be fun, every Friday I would come home from school, I would switch on the telly and watch something interesting while eating some snacks or other. Then I would go for my math tuition, and till the time I came back it would be six in the evening and I would watch a little bit more of T.V. Friday was a day when I would study nothing other than maths, and this fact made that day even more jolly. Now at seven I would go down to play, but some Fridays my father would come home early and we would go out. And, if not I would come back home at around nine, eat my dinner and then I would stay awake till late, because I knew the next day is a holiday.

But, now everyday is boring, no special jolly days. Everyday is a holiday, but you still have to wake up early for the online classes. I can’t even go down now or go out. But I am trying to learn new things, looking at this lockdown with a whole new point of view. But, this is still work in progress, and though I am trying, I have to admit I will never look back at these times and say, ‘’What good times!’’.

Because believe me, this is such a time when I didn’t see any of my friends for a month, and I’m sure it is going to be longer than that. But, all of this I can bear with, the only thing I miss more than anything are the amusement parks, the malls with the big cineplexes, the restaurants, and all of the other stuff I can’t enjoy while I sit at home. 

And, this is ironic because before the lockdown I had created a list of places I will go when my holidays start, and I had implied that nobody could ruin my holiday plans, and hear I am sitting on my couch blaming the virus for ruining my wonderful plans.

But I decided to try this new recipe for soup I found over the internet today, and it tasted amazing. All of the herbs, the vegetables they all combined together to make delicious soup, if I say so myself. I understood that these days are all about trying something new, and if you decide to lie on your couch and binge watch an entire series, I say go ahead and do it! (because, thats is exactly what I am doing…) this experience will be new too, the lockdown should encourage us to learn new hobbies while in the comfort of our home.

Day-31, Lockdown

‘Every murderer is somebody’s good friend.’ 

Agatha Christie

Today I finished ABC murders by Agatha Christie, and it was amazing. Because of her I am kind of addicted to murder mysteries now. It was so thrilling, and I will try not to give away any spoilers, but if I do, I apologise in advance. 🙂

This book is truly a piece of art, each page has the power to absorb the reader’s thoughts, and the reader has to give all hundred percent of their concentration to the book. It sends chills down your spine, and the protagonist, Hercule Poirot the detective is so clever, and Agatha Christie has done a great job to show what he is thinking merely through his actions.

I cannot exactly say that this book leaves the reader asking for more, because    the murderer kills more than three people, so in carefully put words, Agatha Christie leaves the reader asking for more thrillers, but not with the exact story.

The way she thinks of every little detail, how the murders were planned, how the clues were hidden, and in the end how the murderer is revealed by the detective in the novel.

Hercule Poirot is an eccentric character, who is famous for solving cases that the police can’t solve. His French accent, and the occasional French he speaks makes him even more interesting, he is very wise and clever and believes that once you understand the motive behind the crime, you an easily unravel all the other facts.

While reading her books, I wondered how Agatha Christie covered every tiny clue, alibi and piece of information. Some clues seem like they are unimportant like the kind of dress the dead lady was wearing when she was killed and so on, but in the end we realise even the smallest detail counts, as sometimes the murderer and his plan is revealed by a tiny clue, the way all the dots are connected at the end, is truly a marvel. It makes you want to read the entire story again.

These books are very enjoyable, and make time go faster. I recommend these books, as they are all good reads.

Day-30, Lockdown

It has been a month since we have been under lockdown, a month since we have not stepped out of our houses. (Apart from grocery shopping)

It feels more than a month for me, but that’s alright I am learning new things, and am part of a totally new experience.

Today was my dad’s birthday, and we had a blast. I woke up and at first followed the boring routine of attending my classes, then I got ready for a wonderful day lying ahead of me. 

A birthday does not need to be full of partying all day around, it can just be you and your loved ones enjoying family time. Though, what I mentioned earlier would be an awesome day. Today was lovey too.

I didn’t go for the common birthday card approach for my dad’s birthday, I made a coupon book. Yes, each page had things like one whole day when I do everything my dad wants, and one day when I do my daddy’s chores and so on. I was expecting him to cash them all in today, but he said he was going to keep them close to him for the future, when they will of more use to him. And, I just realised this coupon idea was a total backfire. 🙂

The cake was truly scrumptious, it was a mango flavoured cake, it left me begging for seconds. For later that day, my mom had a brilliant idea. She said that we should recreate our old photos and the result was a daughter and her dad taking some adorable pictures, this day was full of joy and laughter.

I am pretty sure that my dad enjoyed the celebrations. In fact, he thanked my mom and I for making his birthday so special. Truly a day to remember…

Day-29, Lockdown

‘Sometimes the urge to not do something, cannot be called laziness.’

Almost all schools have started online class, in my opinion it is not a good idea, but I am just stealing the words of all the children who wake up in the morning, moaning and whining, they go to their computers or laptops and the online class goes on for a three hours, how many ever breaks they give ain’t enough. Because, believe it or not the kids are half asleep!

 This is what I face every single day, except Sunday. The sad part is that when we had normal school, even then we did not have school on Saturday!

I don’t get the point. Sure we have to cover the syllabus, but can’t it just be at a convenient time?

Plus the school is extended till May, and honestly that is not fair. Today I did not want to write something sensible and mature. Because, for the first time in my life I was requested to go inside my room and study.

I have never heard these words, because I have always been responsible enough to go and study  on my own. Though I must admit, they didn’t convince me to run to my room and open my books. These classes bore me. And, I have felt bored before. But this is different they bore me out of my brain, my attention span is usually long. But, now my thoughts wander of as quickly as you can switch on the light bulb. (yes, the one that isn’t flickering in my brain right now :))

This feeling is weird, but I can’t seem to run away from it, and this is my conscious self telling me that I don’t need to study. I am going in ninth grade, but honestly it doesn’t feel like it. None of my friends are studying, and yes most people will say that I don’t have  to be like them. I agree, I don’t want to jump in the well with everyone else.

Well, I am, going to go sit in a corner and contemplate my life choices, that’s all for today.

Day 28, Lockdown

‘That empty void, is just a painful way to fill your soul again’…

I am blank. I got nothing to write today, because everyday its the same, no change. This routine scares me to death, its like there is this empty void there are infinite universes around it, but I’m stuck in the void I cant get out, and I’m in a loop, the same day over and over again. But occasionally, the loop breaks just for a day or too, the path is the same, just slightly altered.

Tomorrow I am going to break out of this loop, because its my dad’s birthday. Have you ever felt like that, like you are trapped in a place, where you’ve got to do the same things everyday, at the same time. Most of us haven’t felt like this until the lockdown, because some Saturdays we would go out to restaurants, while others we would go to malls. Every weekend would be different, and once in a while we would stay at our homes and chill out with our friends and family. I can guarantee you one thing, the moment they let me out of my house, the little time of my summer vacations left, I am going to go everywhere (within the city, of course. What was I thinking) I will go to all the restaurants, and the malls, the water parks, amusement parks, everywhere.

I was thinking of keeping a party with all my friends in it, now this is what people call trying to run before you walk. But, honestly I just want to run from this empty void, and enter the infinite universes, one by one till I have seen every one of them. Today was a long day, and this is all I have to write.

Day 27, Lockdown

My Muse
Sometimes I dont know what to do,
When I don't have any muse.
I pick up my pen,
But I feel like a fool.
So much idle time to spend,
What do I do, I’ve reached a dead end!
My mom tells me to clean my room,
But that's not something I want to do.
Switch on the T.V., got nothing to watch,
My mom tells me to take the volume down a notch.
I have decided there's nothing to do,
I sit on the couch and stare at the wall.
I close my eyes, I hear a call!
From far beneath in my heart,
Deep down, in my feelings a part.
I think of my friends and family,
About this topic, I don't need any analysis.
I pick up my pen, My thoughts flow out.
In the form of letters, Meaningful and loud.

Day-26, Lockdown

‘Feeling guilty is an emotion any good hearted person will feel’

I don’t know if I agree, because the people who commit a crime, of course feel a twinge of guilt, guilt is kind of a defining quality. So maybe that means, that everyone is a good hearted person, even if its somewhere deep beneath.

I am one who feels guilty in almost everything. Some of my friends tell me that I say sorry at least twenty times a day. What is wrong with that? I honestly don’t know, apparently if you apologise for something that you haven’t done, the apology becomes toxic, spoiling the person whose fault it really was, that’s what my best friend tells me.

Now that makes sense, and I ask myself if I should apologise for apologising, I know that sound weird, but that is exactly how my brain works. But I don’t want to change that in me, because this little thing makes me who I am.

Today I was wondering about guilt, does everyone feel the same amount of guilty as I feel? No, that isn’t normal, maybe everyone knows when it really is their fault, and so they apologise and move on with their loves. They’re not like me, apologising and then bearing with that guilt for the rest of my lives, and always apologising to that person.

Day-25, Lockdown

‘Memories we hold close, teach us to let go’

Memories are a thing we hold dear, those that we cherish and some that fill us with sadness. Memories aren’t just some stuff we remember, they are a part of us. Memories both old and new do teach us to let go, how? 

Well, when we remember the fun times we shared with our old best friend, who now lives in another city, we feel sad… almost empty. When we are reminded of this void, a sensible person’s brain will tell them, you have wonderful reminiscences of you and your friend, and that should not hurt you, in fact you should keep these memories, and move on.

Whenever you are feeling low, these recollections will help cheer you up. Your friend will be with you along the path, at least in your memories. This is how a small quote can make such difference, and mean so many things. 

These memories are lovely souvenirs of time, souvenirs we have brought after a journey or an adventure. Those that will be stuck in your head like a magnet for a long time.

This lockdown is a journey, and I shall surely remember every moment, and emotion. I am not so sure if I will cherish these moments, not all at least. But I will remember how we got through, celebrated each other’s birthdays, and all the fun we had.                                                                             

 Today was a short and somehow enjoyable day,  there was nothing so special about the day though. Just like everyday, but it still ended quickly and more happily.

There is something curious about a day, that was just like any another. But, it had an air of an enjoyable feeling. I hope everyday is so full of life and emotion.

Day-24, Lockdown

Patience

Standing up again,
And walking down that road,
A revolutionary path,
Unbeatable mode.
She turned around,
And saw the storm coming close,
She saw the black clouds,
And the wilting rose.
She finally stopped running,
She was no longer afraid,
The sound of thunder getting closer,
She was determined to feel the rain.
She looked around,
everything still looked beautiful,
That pattering sound,
It was unforgettable.
As the first raindrop hit her face,
Mother Earth she could taste,
She was in no haste.
She was going to sit and wait,
For the rainbow to come.
The raindrops didn’t hurt her,
Instead she was welcomed,
They wanted to alert her,
And tell her that patience was key,
There is more beauty,
Left to see.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                   
                                 

Day-23, Lockdown

‘The more we expect, the less we get’

To me this quote makes a whole lot of sense. Expectations, this word has been hovering inside my head today. When someone says that they hold expectations from us, they expect us to be better at something. This sentence always puts a sense of fear in the listener’s mind.

When we meet someone new, we expect them to behave in some way, talk in some manner and if the person does not live up to our expectations we judge him.

Most people are judgemental, but very less are ready to admit the fact. This mentality of summing up a person on his first visit, has given birth  to a phrase saying, ‘the first impression is the last impression.’ 

It makes a lot more sense, when you’ve experienced it, when you walk into a room and do something wrong and the people who have seen you for the first time, have already summed you up, determined your type, they think they know for sure that you are up to no good. This is the best definition of being judgemental, this definition rings true to anyone who has experienced this disparaging behaviour.

I am one to have great expectations, but not with myself. I have great expectations of my day, of any place I go to, and almost any situation I am in. And if I say so myself, I can be quite judgemental, but never do I judge people on their first impression. This  critical nature of humans is scathing and hurtful. All humans are flawed, but this is the biggest blemish of mankind.

When a person is judged on the first time of their meeting, this can ruin all kinds of relationships , and this is a drawback of fault – finding behaviour. Most of us know that pointing wrongs, hurts other people’s feelings, most have even experienced this.

This is what I had been thinking of the entire day, there is nothing wrong in expecting something, but if those expectations aren’t fulfilled, well then there’s nothing we can do!

Day-22, Lockdown

‘Your nose pointed up, can bring you down.’

Today, I was thinking of the word ‘pride’. Such a powerful word, but it is in such contrast in different situations, sometimes pride is a good thing, while in others it means a person is too high and mighty, portraying that person in a bad way. This word has always confused me.

During times of success, people beam with pride, but sometimes too much pride can hurt. This is what I’ve learnt after reading so many instances of pride. I have come across many people who are filled with unhealthy amounts of pride, and sometimes for no reason at all. Now,  bragging and pride go hand in hand, one brags about one’s possessions if he is proud of them. I have always tried not to be proud, to be down to earth, to be humble. But at times, this has not gone well, in fact it has made me put myself down.

I have learnt that a little pride is good, it cannot harm you. If you are proud then, you should also learn to be humble about it. No pride, results in under confidence. I am constantly reminded that I have lots of things to be proud of, But I have seen people who have been crushed due to their own pride, I have even read such examples in books.

I now know that dignity and self esteem, mean the same thing. So, if you are not proud, you do not have self esteem. Then what is wrong with too much pride? If a person is conceited about his own image, his behaviour changes rapidly. Then there remains no reason for him to have a self image, as he has already fallen low. His own image has fallen low, at least for others if not for himself.

If a person is too proud, it becomes his characteristic, he is defined by his proud behaviour, and that is truly sad.

I still am very afraid to be proud of myself, because I’m too scared about what will happen if I become too haughty and self absorbed. People will start talking behind my back, and as I said before I will have no self image of my own. So, you should learn from me, always be proud of your own possessions, in a considerable amount, remember to be humble about it. Or, you will not respect yourself like me, and this small silly thing will become a dreadful habit.

I learnt a valuable lesson today, conceitedness, and less pride both make a person lose their self esteem and image.

Day-21, Lockdown

We all are well aware of the fact that today, was the day the lockdown was supposed to be ended, but most of us knew what was going to happen.
So, I wrote a poem to summarise what I wrote and how I felt in the past 21 days.

I laughed and I cried,
At times I even sighed,
I decided to give up,
Millions of thoughts,
Running through my mind.
I talked about confidence,
 It was an emotional ride.
I had so many dilemmas,
I was running out of time,
As the days got longer,
I felt more helpless,
I didn’t feel stronger,
But that’s my weakness.
Putting yourself down,
Isn’t the only choice.
I learnt more about my family,
How every situation,
We fought with poise.

Day-20, Lockdown

‘The key to enjoying something is, to fully immerse yourself in it.’

Today was my mother’s birthday, and as I have stated earlier, I was very excited. Everyday, I have to wake up early to attend my online webinar’s, and I didn’t have one today so I decided that I’ll sleep till noon, but the sad part is that, I woke up at ten in the morning. And, when I tried to sleep,I couldn’t. 

So I took a bath, and went to wish my mom happy birthday, I had been making this beautiful card for her birthday, so I gave it to her. When she finished reading it, her face broke off into a smile, and she hugged me.

Then, we cut her cake. It was chocolate flavoured, and it tasted delicious. Lunch was also a fancy affair, the food was so good to taste. My mom was also so happy, she was greeted by so many people. Her phone would ring in every two minutes. She was relaxed, and all those birthday wishes had definitely made her day.

Today was definitely, a change in pace. And everyone felt happy and carefree, for the first time in months.

Also, today at around five thirty, I attended a online workshop on poem writing, I loved attending it. It was so interesting, and I learnt so many new things, the workshop being interactive was even more fun. Today was a wonderful day for me, I learnt something new, I laughed with my family, and saw my mom enjoying herself, a beautiful day all to herself.

I even did something productive. In fact, I liked doing such courses, and so I signed up for a course on creative writing everyday for 12 days. I am so excited, I’m finally doing something productive, few hours of screen time removed.

During this lockdown, people should pursue their talents, and learn something new.   

Day 19, Lockdown

‘Waiting eagerly for something, makes the wait even more longer.’

I had been waiting for the lockdown to end for a long time, though I knew that it would be extended, I didn’t want to be too sure, but alas today the news was broken to me delicately. At first I thought that the news was fake, but after seeing the proof I realised this was true. 

I was shattered, some part of me knew this day was coming but I didn’t want to face it. I was so sad, I silently told myself to stop dreaming about the day the lockdown will end, I had big plans of going outside and meeting myself. This situation has really gotten out of hand.

I haven’t even stepped out of the house, like literally not even the passage of our apartment, I haven’t even walked up to the elevator.

Isn’t it weird, this little things we never payed attention, and now we are missing them. Is it weird such a little thing like riding up and down in the elevator, and pressing the elevator button. I have never missed something so minor, this lockdown is giving us the opportunity to sit down and reflect, opportunities to finally notice the little important things in life that mean so much to us, but not otherwise.

Nineteen more days, I still cant believe it. All those plans, that long mental list, that huge party, those friends, I can’t say that these plans are going down the drain, but they’re delayed…

Day-18, Lockdown

‘Every single brilliant idea we procrastinate is one step away from great things’

Procrastinating is a habit, an addictive one. I procrastinate all the time, but I ain’t proud of it. Recently I have procrastinated a lot, and my priorities have shifted. I have given more time to anything other than study. I do feel guilty at times, but still I don’t open my books and when I do, I don’t concentrate.

 This little thought scares me, I have been reminded time and again that I should be serious about ninth grade. But this lockdown has changed me, it has dulled out the flame of excitement in me, I am no more interested in doing the things that excited me earlier, now all I need is some peace and quiet. 

My top priority is getting through the day, and being happy isn’t even on my list! My parents have tried everything, but the only thing that will make me happy is seeing my friends playing with them just like the old times.

I am trying to find an upside to this lockdown, but honestly I am failing. Procrastinating is harmful, delaying an important piece of work, and then never doing it at all, I have done that many times and it does not male you look good. 

I avoid procrastinating but, when you are sitting at home, you can’t go down to play, most people would resort to video games and Netflix. I am unfortunately like most people in this contest, this is like my pet peeve. When I have work to do, but I am certainly in no mood to do it, I procrastinate and play video games, binge on Netflix.

But this flaw in me, does not change the way people should see me, my good points remain, but so do my flaws.

Procrastinating and laziness go hand in hand, and during these lockdown days they have joined hands with me 🙂

I am trying my best to fight being lazy, and so should you. Stay safe, stay active.  

Day-17, Lockdown

Today is the 17th day of lockdown, it has been 17 days since the news was announced, and I really really want to say that it feels like yesterday, but it doesn’t. It feels like years, since the first day. The other day my mother said, that everyday was passing very quickly. I looked at her jokingly, but she was genuine.

Remember, in lockdown day 12 I wrote about how time flies, well it does. But, not all times. It flies, when you are enjoying something I enjoyed the school year, and saw it fly past. But, I ain’t enjoying this lockdown. I was thinking of writing about some other spiritual stuff I thought of today, but then I wondered what if I wrote about something else, something other than the usual ‘more than my age’ thinking?

So the past few days, I’ve been writing like a normal thirteen year old do, I want to show my readers, my other side the one which thinks about the world innocently and learns and understands like any normal kid.

My mom’s birthday is coming in a couple of days, and I was a bit sad that we won’t be able to celebrate it like every year.

But, my dad lifted my spirits by convincing me that we would give her a birthday she won’t forget, though we haven’t thought of anything yet. I am sure we will make it memorable, not letting even a twinge of regret get in the way.

Today, I studied for a couple of hours in the morning, then I had nothing to do. My routine has been the same since so many days. I wake up, I study, I eat lunch, then the entire afternoon is full of screen time, during evening I talk to my friends, then dinner, and the day ends.

There has been no change, and continuity makes my day even more boring, waking up in the morning and knowing that the things I am going to do today are the same things I am gonna do tomorrow. And, no matter how are I try I just can’t seem to shake it up a bit. Maybe, that’s why I am so excited for my mom’s birthday. A day full of excitement and joy. 

See that is why  I’m writing again, I can tolerate everything that’s going on, because of this blog. All these days, as long as I am telling my readers my feelings and what I am thinking about, I am remaining sane. This blog is like that final thread, the final thread that I am hanging on and depending on. 

Day-16, Lockdown

‘Dilemmas are good for health, they encourage a person to think’

Today I kept thinking about this word, dilemma. It means confusion, the trouble to decide between two or more choices. Simple dilemmas like this takes up most of our lives, and we don’t mind them much. It’s the bigger problems of life that matter more to us.

When these choices get harder, thats where our problems start. When a person overthinks, his friends tell him, to look at the bigger picture and to not worry about these little things. I am one of those people, not the ones who tell you not to worry but the ones who worry about everything.

Tensions take up more than fifty percent of my brain. And when something abrupt happens my world which was non worrisome for a little while, shatters like thin glass, and my head spins. I don’t deal with such situations rationally, I do the first thing that comes to my mind. Even if it doesn’t make sense, sometimes everything works out, and other times everything turns upside down, and I end up making things worse.

Sometimes I say things I never mean to, I alter myself for the likes of the situation, at least that’s what I think I am doing. Now, when I look back at those times I laugh at my own foolishness.

My main dilemmas are, how to react and how to get out of a sticky situation. Should I speak my mind? Should I keep quiet? Should I just change my emotions? Yup, lets do that. 

Photo by Life Of Pix on Pexels.com

Why am I telling you this? Because the lockdown is such a situation, something abrupt has happened, and I don’t know what to do the first thing that comes to me is writing a blog one of the best decisions I have made. And it is because of the people who read this, they convince me that I did the right thing not backing out of this, and inspire me to keep writing everyday. 

Day-15, Lockdown

‘Questions that aren’t answered, are like caged birds’

Today I used this quote, because it kind of jumped at me. Why are those questions like caged birds? Every question has an answer. Yet, the unanswered question has been called a caged bird, because the key, exists, but the bird can’t reach it. That bird will remain in its cage, until somebody frees it. Just a little thought I wanted to share.

Today, was like everyday, the same routine. But, today I realised that I was going nowhere, it felt like I wasn’t doing anything productive. This first thought choked me, and I suddenly felt suffocated. It felt as if the air I was breathing was acidic, I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to go out and I desperately needed to breathe in fresh air.

‘Fresh air. ’ these two words are only heard nowadays, not experienced, though I have pointed out earlier that this lockdown is benefitting the environment, it certainly doesn’t feel like it. How long can a person stay inside and breathe? I guess, most people can pull of this feat with no problem, but I am not like most people, I can’t stay at home like this, no human contact other than my parents, honestly it is driving me crazy.

The government said that the lockdown is till the fourteenth of April, even if they don’t extend it, how long will it tale to attain normalcy? Both, my mom and dad’s birthday comes in April. I really want to celebrate it, go out for a proper dinner, throw a proper party, celebrate, happy times. I miss these times.

My mom says that this lockdown is breaking people, their souls. I believe her, those who live to travel, those creative artists. They long to live again, to come out of the water.

At times I forget (Or am I trying to forget), why this lockdown has been established, I think of this as punishment for humans. This situation, these saddening times will be remembered, the efforts of the common man to fight this epidemic.

This too shall pass.

Day-14, Lockdown

A Poem
When you just have to let it all out,
Then what they think,
That doesn’t count.
All days don’t have to bright,
Because, when you wipe away your tears,
It give you clear sight.
When you think you’re all alone,
And you forget to look around.
When you’re tired to the bone,
But somehow find strength,
You break through the chains, 
with which you were bound.

Today morning, while I was studying, a wonderful idea for a poem came to my mind, I jumped up and got a pencil and a paper, and wrote this poem. I just had to write it in today’s blog. This poem is about those days, when nothing feels right. When you feel down, and nothing can lift your spirits. 

The line, ‘because, when you wipe away your tears, it give you clear sight.’ Well, I wrote it because, I wanted to show how, when you cry it all out you have no more sadness left. And, now only determination is left, so when you wipe away your tears, it gives you a clear sight of what’s ahead.

The line, ‘when you think you’re all alone, and you forget to look around’ shows that, when you feel miserable and sad, you think that you’re facing your troubles all alone. Though, your loved ones are supportive and caring. You forget about them, and focus on your own problems.

This curious poem of mine, has unlocked many doors of thought in my mind today, and now I am seeing this poem in a very different light, when compared to the light hearted and casual attitude I thought of it with.

I was under the notion that this poem was supporting the thoughts of being under lockdown, and I wrote it with the same thought. But now this poem puts light on so many different problems.

I really hope you like this poem, and its short explanation.

Day-13, Lockdown

“The ability to find the light in the darkness makes a person bright”.

Today at nine o’ clock at night. Thousands and thousands of Indians came out on their balcony and terraces to light candles. Thousands showed their appreciation, and this gesture lit up the sky, both literally and figuratively.

I saw everywhere how the dark night sky looked beautiful, as people lit their diyas and lanterns.everyone was cheerful and happy. My familiar surroundings felt different, and energetic. There was cheer and joy. All the people had been cooped up inside their houses for a long times and a simple change in routine, a change in surroundings really lifted up their spirits. For ten whole minutes you could hear cheer outside and happy voices. Everyone took part in this, it felt to me a sign of unity, people whispering with hope to themselves, as they lit their diyas ‘let there be light’.

Though some people made some poor choices, they went out of their houses and burst crackers and folded around. This is going against the norms of social distancing, this movement of lighting diyas was to show our appreciation to selfless service providers in medical and general essential services, and also to unite the Indians, to fight this crisis as one nation. But the people who stepped outside their homes to talk to their friends, and took this movement as an excuse to meet them and to celebrate, burst crackers. I see no reason for celebration in this situation, my only question is, why? Why are people not understanding the seriousness, of this pandemic.

But, other than this rather foolish decision some people have made. Tonight, was magical, you didn’t need firecrackers to light up the sky, the emotions, the energy, the enthusiasm It was all really exciting and new.

My father was talking about we will be able to tell about this lockdown experience to the generations, and the way we all dealt with it will be an exciting story to tell.

Pune city was looking beautiful tonight, and the emotions too, were beautiful. 

Day-12, Lockdown

‘As time flies, a thought we haven’t yet uncovered beneath it all lies’

I had not realised till today, that it had been 12 days! Though I do write the number of days that have passed, I write them unconsciously. I realised today that such a long time has passed since the first day I started writing this blog. And, the readers too have a reason to celebrate, you have been inside your homes for 12 days now. And some people can admit that time flew!

Yes, I realised that this school year also went past, it feels like yesterday that I entered my eight grade class, and sat in one of the benches. I had this nervousness, and I could feel my heart beating with it. A new year, more studies, homework. But the year is now finished, the same year which I thought will be never ending because of all that pressure and burden. In fact, I didn’t even have to write the final exams,and fifty percent of the pressure was in that. I had studied hard, that is why I was a little sad to see it all go in waste. Of course like any normal child, I was also very very happy. Early holidays, I was directly promoted to the ninth grade!

Ninth grade, this feels like a position, of a highly esteemed person. The words ninth and grade put together make a grand name. It feels like I am that esteemed person whimpering under the burden of such a huge title. There you go, I can feel that fluttering heart beat, its wings spread high, but instead of taking of flying, is standing in its place just trembling.

Every year the same words escape from my mom’s mouth she says, “Keya look at you growing up, now ninth grade then tenth grade, then off to college!” Last year she said I was going to eighth grade, and she went on about how the year after that I would be going into the ninth grade. Even from her mouth ‘ninth grade’ sounded so grand, so nice to hear. Yet, a burden.

Imagine how tenth grade would feel then, in my ninths I have too give the pre boards for tenth. Thinking of those scary exams gives me a shiver down the spine. This holiday season, instead of cheery smiles and gola (snow cones)everywhere, there is silence everywhere.

Actually, today was the first day of my online class for ninth grade. So for the entire day I was thinking about how it would feel to step in my new class, advanced studies, the pleasure and ‘excitedness’ of it all. So I thought I should write about all of this, give my minds a little rest, even it will be for a little while.

Day-11, Lockdown

‘Families that spend more time together grow closer’

I know that I have focused on this point before, but not completely. Today, I will talk about how the lockdown has changed the perception towards bonding for many people.

I had thought before that bonding means spending time together, and getting to know each other better. What is wrong with this point of view? Absolutely nothing, yes nothing at all. The definition of such a fun filled activity does not need to be entirely changed, just slightly altered. Don’t you think that the way I defined bonding earlier lacked some humour, some emotion if you will? Let us think back, way back. Let’s think about the time, when no country was under lockdown this definition seemed sensible, right? Well, how about now? Does the definition you had in mind, when the world was Coronavirus free change? I sure hope it does, because if it doesn’t, you aren’t spending the time this lockdown is giving you efficiently.

Before, bonding was a recreational activity, when all family members were free( which wasn’t very common) they thought of sitting down and talking to each other and getting to know each other.

Now, all we have is time! My family and I did not always play board games and card games. In fact, we played them rarely, but now we are all dying of boredom and to give each other company we have started playing all kinds of games.

I am pretty sure many other families are also spending more time with each other, enjoying themselves more.

Yes, it is true that because we are inside our homes, and most children haven’t gone outside for days. Most adults haven’t gone to work places for a very long time. Everyone is getting cranky, and all people have their highs and lows, moms and dads also occasionally get tired of their cribbing children, and cleaning up after them, and sometimes they can’t stand our faces, because honestly, they have had enough! And we understand, I know that sometimes adults take their anger out on their children. (It does get annoying at times.) But I can handle it, I really really want to believe that.

So, all family members who are reading this please learn to tolerate and be happy that you are spending more time with family. Please, don’t take out your anger on us little children (: We may get out of hand sometimes, but this a first time for all of us.

 Also, my changed definition of bonding is…

‘The time you spend with your loved ones, to remind yourself why you loved them is called bonding.’

Keya
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