The ‘organised’ person I am…

I love mess, it’s mostly because I relate with it. The disorder always calms me down. Yet for some reason, whenever I see a very clean desk with only a few things on it. I do my best, to place them symmetrically , one on top of the other in perfect order.
That’s so weird right? Like am I a person who loves perfection or am I just a disorganised mess? It’s always the same with me, split personality. Always confused, always second guessing.
Lets round back to the first few lines where I said that I relate with mess, when I see a messy room or a messy desk. I feel right at home.( Not literally though…;))
The mess inside my brain, the constant worries they all dissolve in the mess in front of me. But, I always end up cleaning all of it even though it doesn’t bother me. My hands start automatically working, trying to clean every nook and corner.
This is an example of how weirdly I function. I think of something and do the exact total opposite. Why? Why do I always do what I hadn’t planned on doing?
Is it because a part of me already knows what is right for me? Or is it just because I love troubling myself to sleep, questioning all of my life choices?
Whatever it is, mess will always be a part of my disorganised life.
This is just a part of me opening upto all of you. And, there’s more from where this emotional mess came from.

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