It’s 11:15 PM, and I’m posting
So, I have always known that I suck at committing to something or being consistent at something. This lockdown blog of mine has really tested my patience now and then, but I have never stopped moving forward.
Today though, I had nothing to write, no backup topic, nothing. Whatever I wrote I kept deleting it. A part of my brain said that I was overthinking, and I just had to take a deep breath. And I tried, I really did but my mom and dad said that they were running out of oxygen so I stopped. So, obviously that wasn’t working.
So should I just stop writing this blog? To be honest I really really want to, but a part of me, a tiny fragment is just not letting me. No matter how many times I announce that I am gonna stop writing this blog, I always come back to my keyboard. It’s just so strange, and honestly irritating. Maybe its that guilty part of me, the one that won’t let me give up. Or that proud part, the one full of ego and ambition. Because deep down, it feels shameful quitting this. It feels like a project, an experiment really. I tested it out for the first time to see if it would work, and then it became a part of me.
To be honest, I don’t love writing this blog. Every single day I hold my head thinking of something to write. It’s something I dread doing, but I still do it. It’s like when I’m running a cold and it’s raining outside, and I see all my friends playing, I do it even though I don’t want to. I don’t know why, but rain always finds its way in my post.
Today was a special case, I just couldn’t find anything to write. Day by day my posts are getting short and I apologise for that. But I am really running out of things to write about. And, when I have nothing to write about I complain. And lower the low self esteem I have. So, fingers crossed for tomorrow’s post…