Day-52, Lockdown

Giving up is a wonderful feeling, you feel like a burden was taken off your shoulder. Then what’s so wrong with it?

Well with that wonderful free feeling there is always some guilt too, it strikes after everything is done, making you hopelessly wonder… what if? That feeling is the worst, and so that you don’t suffer, people tell you to not give up. That feeling before the guilt is like a big balloon waiting to be popped by that sharp needle of guilt.

It hurts a lot later, once you’ve realised what a big mistake you have made. So many times, I have tried giving up on this blog. Because I have had nothing to write, but every time I had a new idea to write something, it felt even more  satisfying.

Anyways, have you ever felt like that. Like you just wanted to turn around and go home, and just forget all of this. Well, I have and that twinge of guilt and shamefulness has almost always overtaken me and kept me going on. Sometimes I do something even though I really hate it, while others I just drop it and move on. 

I have tried so many new things, but when they seemed hard or boring I have left them and moved on to do something else. But, later I have missed doing those things and regretted giving up on them. Sometimes, I pat myself on the back after finally giving up on something, only for it to haunt me years later.

Why does everything have to be so hard? Like if you aren’t supposed to give up on something then it shouldn’t feel so nice. Like a very nice dream only to be turned into a nightmare. But, now that I think of it, maybe when you feel like giving up and then you don’t, you feel like you have accomplished something and then later even if you don’t succeed in that thing you were going to give up on you don’t feel completely hopeless. 

So, its actually supposed to be like a medicine, to ease the pain if you fail, and if you achieve something then you feel extra happy, because you didn’t surrender and you were successful.

Maybe, all this time I was just looking at it with the wrong angle. Wow, I had a breakthrough today.

Published by Keya S. Waghmare

Just a 14 year old who enjoys writing...

5 thoughts on “Day-52, Lockdown

  1. You are through the churning, I am sure you are enjoying this process if mind churning. Getting so many crisscrossing thoughts itself is very fascinating. I won’t advise because you are on your own path of realisation. Don’t give up this path. Good luck!!

  2. Really keya you done it……writing continue 52days is very big achievement……hats off to you…..

  3. Never give up just because things are hard. Guilt can either hold one back from growing or it can show one what one needs to shift in one’s life. Keep a hand on your heart, can you feel it? That is called Purpose. You are alive for a reason so never give up. There is a difference between giving up and knowing one’s had enough. God Bless & keep writing.

  4. I’ve always enjoyed reading your blog and especially the lockdown series. Even though I’ve had a difficult time concentrating lately on all your articles with everything going on in the world, this one hooked me early on. It takes courage to admit and write about breakdown, most people don’t even acknowledge it. The writing is well done, and I look forward to more from Keya.
    Suggestion – since you’ve become an experienced blogger and have been writing for long time, I would advise you to create an account on Medium.com and start with posting your lockdown series there. One of the best things about Medium is it can provide you an opportunity to learn and broaden your horizons. And it can pay you for blogs/articles. And hopefully, you do not let your age be a blocking point to grow further.
    All I can say, really, is that you have to grow this for yourself, and go from there.

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